Jaundice

Say what you will
When you live from weekend to weekend
or from holiday to holiday
for the sake of survival, for the sake of pleasing the unpleasable
Then let me tell you,
this is not a life you should be proud of
You have thrown your dreams into the gutter
Where is the pride in that?


I feel like the nail they constantly praise
That nail stuck in the wall everyone is seeking
The nail that found its place among the other rusty ones
In a wall, weathered by storms, missing bricks here and there
The paint cracking open almost everywhere
But I have found my place, they say
Therefore, "shut up and be happy".
Stick to the dying wall
and shut it.

Thus, I have ceased to speak.
I have, altogether, ceased to exist.
My desk, once drowning in drawings and poetry
now lays barren
like a pest-ridden town
with lesson plans of lessons
that no one gives a shit about.

I have ceased to speak.
They have told me this is the best place to be.
They have insisted that this is a dream come true.
They have warned me not to complain any more.

And so, I sit in silence, under starless skies
I stare at the yellow hills. They stare back, wordlessly. Mercilessly. Pitilessly.
The wind howls and grains of dirt blur my vision.
They howl and their words poison my heart.

"I am happy." Sisyphus says as his life's work is undone, day by day.
"I will escape." Icarus said as his wings caught fire.
"I shall have what is mine." Tantalus says as everything he reaches out for eludes him.

(c) Jo In Hyuk