Nocturnal Streams of Consciousness I

Again, you filled your cup by emptying mine
Thank you, Mister, for your company
I should have let your cup fall
When I held it in my hand
I could have watched it shatter with a sound so sweet
The sound of defeat.
But it's okay, my dear, no harm is done
If you thought that a drought will ensue
Then I am sorry to deceive you
The ocean is my home, the river my refuge, the creek my sanctuary
The currents and streams will take me away
Floating and floating
It's okay my dear,
I am not afraid of shipwrecks

I love and hate you.
I want to kill you, yet at the same time weep in your arms
I want you to leave, yet I crave your touch
Leave me at once.
I cannot take this state of Limbo you inflict upon me
Leave me at once.
I wanted you too much.

And now
I feel numb
I jinxed it.
I don't care about anything anymore
Where is my sentimentalism, the excessively emotional side of me?
I feel nothing, I care for nothing, I don't mind anything at all.
You have torn out the bit of life I had kept aside
The bit of life I did not want to consume
the bit I kept to keep hoping.

Leave me at once.
I wanted you too much.
Too much.